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3 young boys, brothers, came to the dinner table and Mum asked them what they wanted to eat.

The oldest boys says "gimme some of that *Effin* meat pie we had last night" upon which Mum smacks him over the ear and sends him to his room to bed.

Mum asks the middle boy; "gimme some of that *Effin* meat pie we had last night and make it a large serve now that Johns been sent to bed" upon which Mum also smacks him over the ear and sends him to his room to bed ...

Mum then asks the youngest boy, all of 8 years old, who replies; "i don't know but I do know for sure I don't want any of that *Effin* meat pie!".

You gotta be careful what you say to a kid.

When our middle son was 3 or 4 years old, he would eat breakfast and at 9:00, run over to the Arthurs, knock on their door and ask to play with their son. My wife thought this daily happening might be inconvenient to Mrs. Arthur. So she told our son "I don't want you running over to Arthur's and knocking on their door at 9:00 in the morning". He nodded his head in agreement, but the daily forays continued. My wife told Mrs. Arthur what she had said our son, and applogized for the daily intrusion.

Mrs. Arthur said "Well I wondered why he quit knocking on the door and just walked".

Bill

I've been having "one of those weeks"...

At an Irish wedding reception:

Someone yelled, "Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living!"

The bartender was almost crushed to death...

One my college buddy sent me...

Cheers!

KS

An old man walks into the barbershop for shave and a haircut. He tells the barber that when he shaves at home he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."

The advantage of living in one of the world's leading spicy food regions is we can return them the next day.

Well one day Harry the Eagle waited at the nest for Mary, his darling of 10 glorious years.

After a while when she didn't return he went looking and found her. She had been shot dead!

Harry was devastated, but after about six minutes of mourning he decided that he must get himself another mate,
but since there weren't any lady eagles available he'd have to cross the feather barrier.

So he flew off to find a new mate. He found a lovely dove and brought her back to the nest.

The sex was good but all the dove would say is .........
'I am a DOVE, I want to love! I am a DOVE, I want to love!'

Well this so got on Harry's nerves so he kicked the dove out of the nest and flew off once more to find a mate..

He soon found a very sexy loon and brought her back to the nest. Again the sex was good but all the loon would say is........

'I am a LOON, I want to spoon! I am a LOON, I want to spoon!' So out with the loon.

Once more he flew off to find a mate. This time he found a gorgeous duck and he brought the duck back to the nest.
This time the sex was great, but all the duck would say was.....


NO, The duck didn't say THAT! ... Don't be SO disgusting!



The duck said....
'I am a DRAKE,
You made a MISTAKE!!

I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling!!


Sunday Morning Sex

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old
grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,

"He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even.

Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued,

"He'd still be alive if the damn ice cream truck hadn't come along".

Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."


Or "in on the Ding and out with the Dong".

Kills on Contact...

I don't care who ya are, that there's funny!!
.
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Something to consider. ..

89 honda crx. 385k mi, original engine and trans, 37 mpg. I love my honda!


In the year 3000, everything will be instant... but the DMV will still take, like, nine f**king seconds.