LocostUSA.com
http://www.locostusa.com/forums/

Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)
http://www.locostusa.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=11296
Page 38 of 43

Author:  TooBusy [ April 12, 2016, 12:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

Why does a hearse have a handle inside the back door?

Image

Author:  botbasher [ April 12, 2016, 2:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

The Traffic Stop!

Police officer pulls over a speeding car. The Officer says, " I clocked you at 80 mph. sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says sweetly, "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, "Dammit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut."

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your set belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says," Now dear you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

"Oh heavens no, officer. Only when he's been drinking."

Thank you... I'll be here all week!!!

Author:  rx7locost [ April 23, 2016, 9:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

Found this on another site. I felt they were looking into my computer.......



WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.

USER: cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.

USER: 1 boiled cabbage

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.

USER: 50damnboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character

USER: 50DAMNboiledcabbages

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.

USER: 50damnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveM eAccessNow!

WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

USER: ReallyPissedOff50DamnBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAss IfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow

WINDOWS: Sorry , that password is already in use.

Author:  GonzoRacer [ April 29, 2016, 7:05 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

Attachment:
CPR.jpg
CPR.jpg [ 31.98 KiB | Viewed 4401 times ]
There's always that ONE GUY...

Author:  JPS Europa [ May 4, 2016, 1:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

what do you call a snobbish prisoner going down stairs?

a condescending con descending

Author:  pso [ July 21, 2016, 10:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

A wife asks her husband, an engineer... "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!"

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs."

Author:  pso [ July 21, 2016, 11:20 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

My daily driver is a 20016 Nissan Xterra with a 6-speed manual.

I am not sure what sort of car I will be building but most likely it will be a Brunton, possibly the MX-5.


An engineering and automotive joke that is a remarkably accurate description of my workplace:


Three Engineers are in a car going for a drive. The first is a Mechanical Engineer, the second an Electronics Engineer and the third is a Software Engineer.

Fortunately, the Mechanical Engineer is driving because the brakes fail as they are going downhill. The Mechanical Engineer eventually brings the car safely to a halt and gets out to examine the hydraulic systems.

The Electronics Engineer gets out and checks the body computer, ABS system and the power train CAN bus.

The Software Engineer stays in the car and when queried about it says that they should all just get back in the car and see if it happens again!

Author:  carguy123 [ September 22, 2016, 11:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

You're bad!!

Funny, but bad.

I've stolen this.

Author:  TooBusy [ September 23, 2016, 7:41 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

:cheers:

Author:  carguy123 [ September 24, 2016, 4:25 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

I have to disagree. The pictures in question weren't political nor were they demeaning to women who enjoy sex. Keep in mind that if women didn't enjoy sex we wouldn't be here.

It was a farcical comment on a once current event. The fact the person was involved in politics was secondary.

Author:  V8SEVEN [ September 24, 2016, 11:13 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

Jeez. It was a joke, and a good one. Lighten up.
Personally I found the the response more offensive/insulting than the joke.
But that's just me.
Gale

Author:  JackMcCornack [ September 24, 2016, 8:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

I'll go ahead and be the Politically Correct That's Not Funny guy: I agree with Marcus, and his daughter, and I've bitten the bullet and hit 'delete'.

If we could go 'till November without insulting those politicians we aren't voting for <when posting on LosostUSA> I think most of us will enjoy this forum more. There's plenty of places on the intertubes to mock Hillary (or Trump), and at this point, only half the voters think either one is funny.
carguy123 wrote:
The pictures in question weren't political...
Sure they were. The woman in question is running for president.
carguy123 wrote:
...nor were they demeaning to women who enjoy sex.
Spoken like a man (and I'm one, too, so I should know). And demeaning to women who (allegedly) don't enjoy sex is cool? That's the punch line: we've had 20 years of tee-hee-Monica-likes-it-more-than-Hillary which is a disservice to both women.

PS--I'll be sure to delete any anti-Trump memes I see posted here too.
PPS--
V8SEVEN wrote:
Personally I found the the response more offensive/insulting than the joke.
Gale, if it was pics of you coughing, with text claiming it was pics of you simulating oral sex, would you find it offensive/insulting?

Author:  V8SEVEN [ September 25, 2016, 10:43 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

Jack
[/quote]Gale, if it was pics of you coughing, with text claiming it was pics of you simulating oral sex, would you find it offensive/insulting?[/quote]
No. I would find that absurd. That's not the point. Toobusy posted what he thought was a good joke. Marcus felt it was inappropriate for this forum, but instead of removing it, he began insulting the guy, calling him basically a stupid tool spreading sh*t on the walls. Somehow that seems a bit more harsh than the joke.
Gale

Author:  horizenjob [ September 25, 2016, 12:00 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

I've removed my contribution to this. I do not consider what I said to be an over reaction - consider what this was like for the people involved. Being a public figure is not an excuse for anything goes. I would do the same thing in a heartbeat for inappropriate pictures of Ivanka or Ted Cruz etc.

I will admit I do not react well to things like bullying. This was not political humor. Saying it was does not make it so. Maybe some won't see the connection, but in this part of the country a couple of towns over, they used to toss unpopular people on a nice big fire and watch them burn. First though it was required to shave their pubic hair because nobody was sure how big the devil and his helpers were ( the devil can hide in the details, I suppose ). Presumedly the town folks enjoyed this a great deal, it certainly took effort. It didn't stop until one day the governer's wife was visiting and they chose her.

People are capable of truly awful things. Using this web site, which all of put effort into, to descend to just the crappiest level is inexcusable. The only possible thing I see as being funny here is the discomfort you cause when you poke half the people in the country in the eye. Where does this get us?

I expect that the people involved here will just keep their distance from each other from now on, and that's why we try to prohibit this stuff - it's not a step forward for us when all the people in the forum are divided into various camps that can't talk to each other...

Author:  V8SEVEN [ September 25, 2016, 2:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

Thanks Marcus for removing your comments.
And thanks for posting the Ted Talk piece. It is a point of view worth adopting.
Gale

Page 38 of 43 All times are UTC - 5 hours [ DST ]
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group
https://www.phpbb.com/