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Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)
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Author:  rx7locost [ November 20, 2016, 12:59 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

Sugar is the only word in the English language where "su" makes the "sh" sound.

At least I'm pretty sure....

Author:  rx7locost [ December 30, 2016, 10:11 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

Cough
Rough
Through
Though


None of these words rhyme.

But for some unfathomable reason, Pony and Bologna do.

English is weird.

Author:  Lonnie-S [ December 30, 2016, 12:19 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

Sorry Chuck, I don't get it.

How does Pony (Poe-knee) rhyme with Bologna (Bow-log-nah)? :rofl: [There, that fixes it]

Well maybe I'll be smarter next year. Happy New Year!

Author:  rx7locost [ December 30, 2016, 1:18 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

Shirley, you jest!


Author:  ngpmike [ January 2, 2017, 7:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

A possible new engine source! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YX2EcrUIclI&feature=youtu.be

Author:  GonzoRacer [ January 6, 2017, 7:29 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

Stolen from the Aussie Clubman forum:

An elderly, but hardy, cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor

that, if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder

on her oatmeal each morning.

She did this religiously and lived to the age of 103.

She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren

and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

Author:  carguy123 [ January 7, 2017, 12:06 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

So you're over there polluting their water too?

My but you do get around.

Author:  GonzoRacer [ January 7, 2017, 9:21 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

carguy123 wrote:
So you're over there polluting their water too?

My but you do get around.
I really enjoy the Aussie's attitude. It fits in quite well with us Southern boys.
"Hold my beer, and watch this. Y'all!" vs "Hold me beer and watch this, Mate!"

Author:  carguy123 [ January 7, 2017, 10:58 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

Yes, and they do some awesome work! They are a very helpful group.

Author:  RoyzMG [ January 19, 2017, 8:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

An Amish lady driver is pulled over by a traffic cop.
"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."
"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."
"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals so you should have your husband check that too."
"Again I thank thee. I shall have my husband check this when I get home."

True to her word, when the Amish lady got home, she told her husband about the broken reflector. He said he would put a new one on immediately. "Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."

Attachments:
Amish.png
Amish.png [ 177.83 KiB | Viewed 295 times ]

Author:  mgkluft [ January 30, 2017, 5:11 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

I nearly won Wheel of Fortune. :BH:
Attachment:
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untitled.png [ 285.31 KiB | Viewed 238 times ]


But apparently the correct answer was:
LUCK BE IN THE AIR TONIGHT

Author:  rx7locost [ January 30, 2017, 7:32 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

Hmmm......

If the correct answer was "Luck be in the air tonight" Woulnd't that 3rd line have an "I" in it? I think you were right on your 1st guess. :cheers:

Author:  zetec7 [ January 31, 2017, 12:05 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

Well, yeah, but it wouldn't be funny then! :cheers:

Author:  RoyzMG [ February 9, 2017, 5:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

Only An Aussie Can Make You Feel Like A Woman

A plane passed through a severe storm. The turbulence was awful, and things went from bad to worse when one wing was struck by lightning.

One woman lost it completely.

She stood up in the front of the plane and screamed, "I'm too young to die," she cried.

Then she yelled, "If I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment, there was silence. Everyone stared at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then the man from Australia stood up in the rear of the plane. He was handsome, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes.

Slowly, he started to walk up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt as he went, one button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest.

She gasped. Then, he spoke...

"Iron this -- and then get me a beer"

Author:  carguy123 [ February 9, 2017, 11:44 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Heard any good jokes? (Human-proof)

Well, I'm at the hospital right now so today has not been a good day for me.

Yesterday after work I decided to go horseback riding, something I haven't done since back in the day when I was just a kid. It turned out to be a big mistake!

I got on the horse and started out slow but then we picked up a little speed and before I knew it, we were going as fast as the horse could go! It felt like the horse would never stop and I couldn't hang on anymore. I had to let go and I fell off.

I got my foot caught up in the stirrup with the horse dragging me around and around. It wouldn't stop for nothing!

Thank goodness the manager of Toys-R-Us finally came out of the store and unplugged the machine and helped me get my foot out of that freaking stirrup!

I just have to get checked out now for bumps and bruises.

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