LocostUSA.com

My cousin Randy is.... well... for lack of a better term, "slow". But, he's got an amazingly positive outlook on life. Why, just the other day, he came limping up the street wearing one shoe, and I asked him if he'd perhaps lost the other one... "No, Man, I FOUND one!" was his reply...

_________________
Who knew so much time involved in building a car is spent simply staring at the pile of parts you've accumulated?

Hey JD,

Where do you think I got it? Stole it of course. Called 're-gifting'. he he

Cheers

_________________
Larry in Seattle

Q - Pete and Repete were in a boat. Pete fell overboard, who was left on the boat?
A - Repete

Q - Pete and Repete were in a boat. Pete fell overboard, who was left on the boat?
A - Repete

Q - Pete and Repete were in a boat. Pete fell overboard, who was left on the boat?
A - Repete

Q - Pete and Repete were in a boat. Pete fell overboard, who was left on the boat?
A - Repete

I could go on forever................

_________________
Perry

'If man built it, man can fix it'
"No one ever told me I couldn't do it."
"If you can't build it safe, don't build it."

Perry's Locost Super Che7enette Build
Perry's TBird Based 5.0L Super 7 L.S.O.
Perry's S10 Super 7 The 3rd
Perry's 4th Build, The Topolino 500 (Little Mouse) Altered

Perry, you been playing with the grandkids again???

_________________
JD, father of Quinn, Son of a... Build Log
Quinn the Slotus:Ford 302 Powered, Mallock-Inspired, Tube Frame, Hillclimb Special
"Gonzo and friends: Last night must have been quite a night. Camelot moments, mechanical marvels, Rustoleum launches, flying squirrels, fru-fru tea cuppers, V8 envy, Ensure catch cans -- and it wasn't even a full moon." -- SeattleTom

A grizzled old sergeant of The Scots Guards entered the local apothecary and approached the chemist on duty, standing stiffly at attention before the counter. The chemist asks if there's anything he can do for him, and the sergeant removes a small yellowed parchment envelope from his blouse pocket. "D'ye ken ye might be able to repair this condom, sir?" asked the sober old Scot. The chemist unfolded the envelope to find an ancient but well-kept original sheep's intestine condom, with a small tear near the end. He eyed the grizzled old sergeant and suggested that, perhaps, just perhaps, this one was due for replacement, and would only be a few shillings for unmeasurable protection.... The sergeant took the condom and solemnly folded the envelope back around it, placing it gingerly back in his pocket, and said "Gi' us a wee minute to mull it over, sir." and he stepped back into the street. The chemist watched as he stood among his fellows outside, apparently having a spirited discussion for several minutes, until the sergeant stepped back inside, marched up to the counter and said,"It's agreed, then; the lads and I will buy another for the regiment!"

_________________
Who knew so much time involved in building a car is spent simply staring at the pile of parts you've accumulated?

Three biker guys were sitting in a biker bar. A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the three men sitting at a corner table. He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face and said, "I went by your grandma's house and I saw her in the hallway, buck naked. Man, she is fine!"
The biker looked at him and didn't say a word. His buddies were confused, because he was a bad a$$, and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I got it on with your grandma, and she is good, the best I ever had!"
The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad. The drunk leaned on the table again and said, "I'll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!"
The biker stood up, took the drunk by the shoulder and said, "Damn it, Grandpa, you're drunk! Go home!"

_________________
JD, father of Quinn, Son of a... Build Log
Quinn the Slotus:Ford 302 Powered, Mallock-Inspired, Tube Frame, Hillclimb Special
"Gonzo and friends: Last night must have been quite a night. Camelot moments, mechanical marvels, Rustoleum launches, flying squirrels, fru-fru tea cuppers, V8 envy, Ensure catch cans -- and it wasn't even a full moon." -- SeattleTom

Another one stolen from the Aussie Clubman forum:

While enjoying their evening cocktails the wife asks her husband , in a very seductive voice , " Have you ever seen twenty dollars crumpled up ? " " No " answers her husband.

She gives him a sexy little smile , unbuttons the top three or four buttons of her blouse & slowly reaches down into the cleavage created by a soft silky push up bra & pulls out a crumpled twenty dollar bill. He takes the crumpled bill from her & smiles approvingly.

She then asks him " Have you ever seen a fifty dollar bill all crumpled up ? " " No " he again answers.

She gives him another sexy little smile , pulls up her skirt , seductively reaches into her tight sheer panties & pulls out a crumpled fifty dollar bill. He takes the crumpled fifty dollar bill & starts breathing a little quicker with anticipation,

Now she says " Have you ever seen fifty thousand dollars all crumpled up ? " to which he again answers " No " , whilst all the time trying to keep his anticipation in check.

She then says " Well go & have a look in the garage"

_________________
JD, father of Quinn, Son of a... Build Log
Quinn the Slotus:Ford 302 Powered, Mallock-Inspired, Tube Frame, Hillclimb Special
"Gonzo and friends: Last night must have been quite a night. Camelot moments, mechanical marvels, Rustoleum launches, flying squirrels, fru-fru tea cuppers, V8 envy, Ensure catch cans -- and it wasn't even a full moon." -- SeattleTom

What a conundrum!!

_________________
Scratch building, at continental-drift speed, a custom McSoreley-design framed, dual-Weber 45DCOE carburated, Zetec-engined, ridiculously fast money pit.

http://zetec7.webs.com/

Who Says Men Don’t Remember!

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed and as the wife walked around, she was surprised to discover that her husband was nowhere to be seen.

She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and hence, she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a quiet voice he said: “Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn’t afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?”

The wife choked up and started to cry and said: “Yes, I do remember that shop!”

He replied: “Well, I’m in the bar next door!”

_________________
Damn! That front slip angle is way too large and the Ackerman is just a muddle.

Build Log: viewtopic.php?f=35&t=5886

Too Much of a Good Thing Might Just Kill Ya

A 65 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.

While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God,
she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a
Face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck.

She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her
Teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as
Well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing
The street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 33 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the Ambulance?"

God replied: "Sorry, I didn't recognize you!"

_________________
Damn! That front slip angle is way too large and the Ackerman is just a muddle.

Build Log: viewtopic.php?f=35&t=5886

my friend went to Spain for a vacation, whilst there he went to watch a bull fight then decided to make an evening of it going for a meal in the restaurant, he chose testicles as is tradition after a bull fight, when they arrived they were very small, so he asked the waiter why to which the waiter replied, "sometimes the bull wins sir"

_________________
this story shall the good man teach his son,
and chrispin chrispian shall ne'er go by,
from this day to the end of the world.
but we in it shall be remembered.

Truth

_________________
mobilito ergo sum
I drive therefore I am

I can explain it to you,
but I can't understand it for you.

Blind Cowboy in a Girl Biker Bar

An old, blind Cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake, finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blond joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to the old blind Cowboy says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five important things:,

1. The bartender is a blond girl who's holding a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blond girl with a Billy club.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blond woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blond and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blond and a professional wrestler.

“Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blond joke?”

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,"Well hell no, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!”

_________________
Damn! That front slip angle is way too large and the Ackerman is just a muddle.

Build Log: viewtopic.php?f=35&t=5886

Now THAT was funny! About as non-PC as they get... Which might be why it was so funny... Good one, Lonnie!

First and foremost, I am of Ukrainian descent. When asked why I tell Ukrainian jokes, I say 'Who do you think thought them up?'

So anyhow, there was this house contractor finishing up on this 2 story house. It was time to start painting the rooms so he called in the new owner to see what colours she wanted the rooms painted. They were upstairs in the master bedroom, he asks 'What colour would you like these master bedroom walls?'. She replies 'A light pale yellow would be nice'. He writes this on he contractor pad then walks over to the window, opens it, and yells 'Green side up!!'. This kind of startled the lady but she said nothing. They walk over to another room and the same is asked. 'What colour do you want the walls?' She replies 'I think these walls would look nice painted a pale egg shell'. The contractor writes it on his pad, walks over to a window, opens it, and yells 'Green side up!!' Again this startles the lady but they continue to another room. Same again,'What colour do you want the walls?' She replies 'A nice soft blue for these walls' He writes it on his pad, walks over to a window, opens it, and yells 'Green side up!!
The lady couldn't take this any more. She says 'Every time I tell you what colour I want a room, you write it down and yell out the window, what's going on?'
Contractor replies 'Sorry miss, it's just that I have a couple of Ukrainians laying sod in the yard'.

_________________
Perry

'If man built it, man can fix it'
"No one ever told me I couldn't do it."
"If you can't build it safe, don't build it."

Perry's Locost Super Che7enette Build
Perry's TBird Based 5.0L Super 7 L.S.O.
Perry's S10 Super 7 The 3rd
Perry's 4th Build, The Topolino 500 (Little Mouse) Altered