12-21-2017
So I look outside and I see a kid jump, no, stomp onto my car's hood; then his buddy takes a turn at it ..I'm not a violent person. It's just a silly car. I have really good insurance. They're just middle school kids making mistakes.
I have many reasons not to go out and inflict great bodily harm to these little snowflakes, yet to my marrow, it's all I want to do..
...It was last Thursday (12-14) as I was reading a story with my middle school English class, when I happened to look up and see 2 kids milling around the front of my Volvo, which was parked in the school's front lot.. I didn't think much of it, except why are they not in class?.. My gut told me to keep and eye on them.. they were looking around to see if they were being watched (they seemed unaware that anyone could be looking out a window as I was, or that any one of the dozens of school cameras were recording them).. Suddenly snowflake #1 takes about 5 steps back, gets a running start, and jumps up onto the hood of my car! Did that just happen?! No, I'm daydreaming... Darling #1 jumps down, and, it's at this point that snowflake #2 takes his 5 step head start, and he too leaps up onto the hood
While I'm not violent, I'm not exactly a pacifist either, and now I know I'm not daydreaming- this just happened.. As a teacher, we're told never should you leave even one student, let alone an entire class unattended.. couple that with the fact that the car and the offending snowflakes are about 50 yards away, and each boy has already started running away in opposite directions.. also, there's a 6 foot fence/gate between us, and my keys are buried in my desk..
If it were to happen again, I'd do exactly the same thing.. As I ran out of the room I told one of my more responsible students that she was in charge, and I'd be right back.. my students had no idea what was happening as the hood stomping all went down to their backs.. I didn't care if I was to be 'written up' or reprimanded for leaving the class- surely the video would vindicate my actions.. If there's one thing you probably shouldn't do, it's jump on the hood of a classic car enthusiasts baby; particularly if he's a life-long competitive runner- (even if he is 50 years old)..
I don't remember jumping the gate, but it made quite the impression on my students. They've taken to calling me Spiderman
. I'm not a sprinter anymore- now it's more of a distance thing for me, but the head start snowflake #1 had on me required a bit of speed, which I was happily surprised I still have, if needed.
I'd estimate it was short of a 1/2 mile when I was within yelling distance of Darling #1 (as this all unfolded I had to choose just one to go after, and unfortunately for this kid, I happened to choose him).. As I closed in on him, I suggested that if he didn't stop I'd make it that much worse when I do catch you, and rest assured,
I will catch you. And with about 15 feet between us, he just gave up..
As teachers we're trained Do Not Touch The Kids!.. Taking no chances, I did not touch the kid, but I took a commanding hold of the kid's jacket hood, which the kid was at the time attached to.. there was to be no more running away.
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In the end, the video showed it all.. the milling, the stomping, the fleeing, the gate jumping, the sprinting, and eventually, the return of snowflake #1 to campus by the scruff of his coat, being held by a teacher whose restraint was tested farther that it's ever been. I've learned that this was the last straw for snowflake #1, and adding this to a long list of prior 'issues,' he'll be leaving our campus. Snowflake #2 doesn't have quite the rap sheet built up yet, so he's still around until his next stunt (I find it a little sad that stomping on a teachers, or anyone's car isn't enough to have you dis-invited from school- but it seems that's not my call to make)..
I also learned that these boys were lucky to have jumped where they did on the car (their shoe prints were easy to see), as somehow there was no damage!? On the Volvo 1800, the hood is surrounded on all sides by sheet metal, and they just happened to have jumped near the edge of the hood where it meets the fender (an inch or two closer to hood center and it surely would have caved the hood)--watching the video you'd swear the hood was toast.. way to go Volvo!.. I also learned that because there was no damage (trust me, I looked! no paint issues- nothing!), the Sheriff's department won't open a file.. If there was in fact damage, then it's a crime.. As I told my principal, I guess it's ok to go dance on people's cars, just don't mar the paint while doing it
I'm not a violent person. It's just a silly car. I have really good insurance. They're just middle school kids making mistakes. Karma's a real thing, and I doubt they'll be so lucky next time..
--ccrunner